Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Power of Ritual

August 7, 2010

I practice private rituals regularly to make prayers, set intentions, offer thanks or call in helps. The inspiration to do them usually comes spontaneously, and their design is simple and straightforward. Occasionally, and usually when I feel a very deep or urgent need, I plan ahead for a ritual that will involve many days of repeated practice. This blog was begun as a 40-day exercise starting on the New Moon in Capricorn in January of this year. As I was deciding whether to continue or not at the end of those 40 days, some endearing angel spirits worked through special people in my life to urge me to continue and I am glad that I have.

I have long observed that once a ritual is planned the power of it starts pulling in a tide of response before it even begins. And so it has been for my most recent plan. I decided to start a 21-day ritual on the New Moon August 10th, 3 days from now. Exactly three weeks is what many philosophies say is the time it takes to create important change, or to break an old habit or create a new one. Wanting to clear my psyche of old hurts and unprocessed emotion, and to invite newness, I decided to begin a 21 day ritual on August 10th wherein I would clear some area of my physical space every day – a drawer, a section of my closet, a file case, a pile of papers, a bookshelf – as a way of emotional and psychological clearing also. And I have planned various simple daily practices to go with this to invite needed changes.

As I have been preparing, planning, making notes, etc., the changes have begun already. Someone arrived at my door today, out of the blue, who might want to buy my property. I don’t know what I will do, there is much to think about, but this sure is a sign that a planned ritual sets into motion surprising forces.

Humans have been spontaneously planning and doing ritual since earliest recorded time. It is a deeply instinctual way to interact with the forces of the greater universe in our human life.  I never cease to be amazed and surprised by it.

Not Taking Yourself Personally

August 5, 2010

I keep noticing that edge between taking personal responsibility for the things that aren’t going well in my life, and the need to not take myself so personally. I got that wording from James Hillman. I either heard or read him giving the advice that we must never to take ourselves too personally.

Life feels like this set-up where we’re all something akin to 2nd graders in a Post-Doctoral classroom. Who could possibly get this? I can’t take it personally that I don’t get it. We get these terrific little glimpses through a key hole now and then that offer clues, but the whole story is so far beyond us. It seems that everybody is looking through a different key hole in a different door at a different time, so even putting all of the clues together only adds up to random bits of information that don’t patch together well.

In my experience, the people to avoid are the people who think they get it. Vaclav Havel stated it beautifully: “Seek the company of those who are looking for the truth, but free from those who have found it.”

I have to convince myself that there is nothing to do but get up every day, keep trying, and figure out how to love the mystery. Love being the key word there.

Mazes of Thought

August 4, 2010

My little dog Coco can often be found just standing and staring at a wall or into a corner now that he is deaf and blind, presumably because he doesn’t know where he is so he just stands and looks at the wall. It’s so sweet and sometimes I just have to laugh because it looks so silly.

The images of him like that are coming to mind to show me what I must look like to any being of higher consciousness that might be looking in on me now and then. I just keep wandering into these corners in the mind, or staring at a mental wall without knowing it. It must look pretty funny.

p.s.

August 3, 2010

Another antidote for bouts with hellish states of mind – The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I DVR it and watch the next day over lunch or while cooking dinner. I just literally choked on lunch and belly laughed all the way through his coverage of Chelsea Clinton’s wedding, interviews in Rhinebeck, NY, and his clips from the other channel’s, especially Fox’s, coverage of the event. Ah. So healing. Love this guy.

Gratitude

August 2, 2010

After dropping into a Dante-ian hell (I do know that isn’t a real word) for the last few days the cure seems to be a sensation of gratitude. It started as I worked with a worry about whether all of my blog posts, which are only recorded in the strange and mysterious world of cyberspace, would be preserved if something globally terrible happened. If the shit really comes down and the lights all go out, will I have my writing if I want it? Considering this, I began to feel a truly comforting sensation that all of those cyber geeks out there will definitely take care of us; that no matter what happens, how horrible it might get, their intrepid spirits, intelligence and imagination will find the way to keep us all connected in such ways. I felt cared for in my deepest part. Weirdly so, I suppose, but it felt personal. Like they are doing all of this just for me, just for the idea of me, which I still feel personally. I experience something similar at times when I use a product like WD-40 to take the squeak out of an annoying door hinge. They invented this just for me! Or when road signs are clear and easy to follow so I’m confident and not scared about getting lost. Or when the tech people for my TV remote answer the phone immediately when I’m frustrated (which they do on Dish Network), and when the book that an author recommended which I have an urgency to begin reading today is right there at my local library just waiting for me to find it. (This happened today.) The world feels utterly generous, gracious, loving, prescient, caring and personal. It’s hard to stay sad. Thank goodness. The goodness of the world and of us together.

Dream Insight

August 1, 2010

Warning, this dream is not for the faint-hearted. Don’t read this if gory images upset you. It offers insight, I believe, into the paralyzing sadness I have been experiencing the last couple of days and wrote about last night, and seems to suggest it is part of a collective as well as personal event. I had the dream this morning.

I mentioned on Friday night that I had watched the movie Food, Inc. In it they showed very disturbing footage of hundreds of cattle dumped from stalls onto a stainless steel moving surface that took them to a point of slaughter, their corpses coming out the other side. There was zero dignity for the animal as a living being; only cold, heartless, machine driven horror in life and death for them. This mindset is what we take into our bodies when we eat them, and what we collude with when we buy the meat.

In my dream I saw the same image but with humans being poured into the steel moving tray, helplessly riding on it until a guillotine at the top beheads them, and then as their bodies move through, it also chops off the feet. I had driven my car into the maze where this enormous event is going on continuously and am in the dream the only human soul not in the steel tray there to witness what is happening. I was sitting beside the big machines right next to where the beheading was happening. I noticed that the blood and slime that flew from the machines was covering me and dripping from my hair into my mouth. At some point an old friend of mine drove up in a fancy car, pretty clothes, all dressed for being going out socially. She handed me a cup of cold water from a fountain in her car that dispensed both hot and cold water. Her car was all tricked out in such ways. She was offering to give me a ride out of there. I accepted but with emotional reluctance saying, “But somebody has to grieve all of this!”

My thoughts on this dream so far are that the movie on Friday night triggered two days of an emotional drop to rock bottom for me, and I do mean rock bottom, for a variety of reasons both personal and collective. On the collective level, easier to talk about first, I see the dream as a depiction of a deeper reality that the movie is revealing. If the assumption that quantum physics is beginning to prove, which mystics have long intuited, that reality is all one fabric, that every seemingly separated thing is really part of one whole, might be accepted as true, then it is 100% delusional to think that we can treat any aspect of nature so inhumanely without thinking that we are doing the exact same thing to ourselves. My dream might as well be the picture that such a movie presents, because it is the truth of the situation. To imagine ourselves as not affected by what we do to the rest of the life that we are an intricate part of is mental illness. We are involved in a collective psychopathology. Its effects are far-reaching and very disturbing. Denial is sometimes the only antidote, and it is breaking down.

Indigenous people say that the true thinking apparatus is in the heart. The thinking of the head has always been intended to be servant to the heart, rather than master. I have read some of the fascinating research of Childre and Martin in The Heartmath Solution, and the work of the Institute of HeartMath, which describes the work of scientists who have discovered the brain in the heart, neurons in the heart that are the same as those in the various subcortical areas of the brain. When Western thought began to marginalize the thought of the heart and allowed the head to become the dominant thinking apparatus, we lost our way, our balance and our real intelligence. Indigenous people know this and look at us like destructive, drug-fueled, crazy children, which we are.

The thought of the heart must be rediscovered, revived and given back its authority. Thinking with the heart would never allow us to do what we now do to animals, to rivers, to the air, or the ocean, or the topsoil, because the thinking of the heart would not perceive any of it as separate from our very own self. It’s not just a cozy myth that the animals and air and wind and waters are our brothers and sisters. It is real.

I usually avoid anything that might come off as didactic in my blog writing, and intend to keep that preference. But this dream shook me up. This sadness has shaken me up. So I am saying what my heart is telling me right now.

Sadness

July 31, 2010

Sometimes I think that we work hard as a species consistently to stay just outside of the range of an existential sadness that dogs us. The mind, the heart, the body are adept at methods to keep us just a few steps away from its looming jaws. I lost concentration last night and got swallowed. It’s paralyzing, I’m paralyzed. Like a snake’s venom that enters the bloodstream and paralyzes, there is nothing ok about it.

Food and Denial, Denial and Food

July 30, 2010

What could be more intimate in life than what we put into our mouths, that then goes into our stomachs and enters our blood streams, cells, brains? Yet how little information do we have about it in general? I just watched the movie Food, Inc. It is a very important film, I believe. We should be required to see it I think, but that isn’t going to happen.

My friend Ali visited recently for several days. I wrote about her last week in the blog titled “Purity” because of how purely she considers every bite that goes into her mouth, every product she stocks in her home or allows to be in her environment. I asked her to educate me so she graciously helped me to see how many chemicals are stocked in my refrigerator and food cabinet, under my sinks, in my laundry and medicine cabinets. She and I were advised to go to a restaurant in Asheville because of a great story telling how conscious they had around food. We walked in and within 60 seconds Ali was almost shocked. There were out of season, non-local foods right in the deli section, along with cabinets of foods with genetically modified ingredients and chemicals. When your eyes are opened like hers it doesn’t take but a second to see it. All it took was a few days with Ali and blinders came off of my eyes.

And all it took was a few days without Ali and the blinders came right back on. I had determined to buy only local, organic, grass-fed beef, shop at farmer’s markets, re-double my efforts in my garden, read labels, ban chemicals. It is scary how unconscious one can go, how laziness and habit can drive away good sense and wisdom; and how pervasive and intractable denial is as a condition in the human psyche.

We need to open our eyes to what the food industry is doing to every aspect of our local and global relationships and lives. It’s not that as humans we didn’t mean well when we started out, but now we know – or should know. As Nobel Peace Prize winner Wangaari Mathai said, when you realize you’re on the wrong bus do you just keep riding that bus? No, no matter how comfortable you are, you get off! We have got to get off of this bus.

Death and Dreams

July 29, 2010

I remember very clearly working a dream with my analyst when I lived in Los Angeles. In it I had walked up to a person in the dream and just shot him in the head (not someone I knew in real life). I sheepishly confessed the dream, thinking it was some kind of murderous violence latent in me that we’d have to discover together. It was simple and clear to her, and made enormous sense when she talked me through it. The character in the dream represented an attitude that no longer served me. She called my shooting him in the head “efficient.” A clean way of discarding a no longer useful or helpful attitude. Oh. I got it. Death in dreams, and the Death card in the Tarot I have since come to discover through my work with it, are very different from how we think about and experience death in waking life.

Today I worked with my current dream analyst on another shooting in the head dream. Even though I should know better, I was fretting about the dream. But he saw the beauty of it very quickly. It represented an old idea, part of a collective concept of how things “should” go, that I was just getting rid of. In the dream it was “me” who was being shot, and I was saying the word “God” as I was being murdered. I have always remembered that Gandhi said that word as his assassin approached him with the gun so that he could die with the word God on his lips. My dream analyst helped me to see that what was dying needed to go to “God”, an old concept no longer serving me. Whew.

Maybe all death is really like death in dreams and tarot. A good thing. My little dog seems to be facing death and I’m often terrified. I don’t want to let go of anyone I love dearly. Reworking the whole concept right now might be a good thing.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

July 28, 2010

There is uncertainty everywhere about how to make a living that feels stable. I need answers to that question. I would be willing to go anywhere that I might be called to in order to make a living that will give me the stability that I need growing older. But I find that I wish I could just bloom where I am planted and be supported here. I’m not sure that is going to happen. In the last six years here in North Carolina I have developed the deepest and most cherished friendships and a the sweetest quality of life that I have ever known. I want to bloom and grow right here, but am not sure that the soil has the nourishment that will feed my roots to keep me stable in the long haul. What does it take? I’m not young, I’m almost 60. What does it take? I’m working on this question while I keep in mind the beautiful advise that one must just “bloom where you are planted.” That is my desire.