Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Dammit

October 9, 2010

I have had a day of so many things. Arghhhh. Late afternoon I went for a walk and went to find Hannah, my 3-year-old neighbor who delights and fascinates me endlessly. We played for awhile and she said, in the middle of all of her playful antics, “Watch me say ‘dammit.'” Then she got a serious look on her face and said, “Dammit.” A very good demonstration.

Hannah, as I have mentioned, is such a good teacher. Watch me say “Dammit”. Dammit!

At the end of this day I am watching the movie Babies. I can’t stop laughing, and can’t recommend it enough. Learning to live with frustration is universal and ageless. Go ahead, say “dammit!”

Buckminster Fuller and the Dymaxion Car

October 8, 2010

Tonight I got a link from a friend telling me that a British man has just re-built Buckminster Fuller’s design for a Dymaxion Car. Bucky was a scientist, philospher and seer who died in the early 1980’s. He was a friend of my father’s and one of the most important influences on my thinking and how I have set the sails for my life’s course. Since listening to his passions and ideas as a child, teenager and young adult, and seeing how all of his forward thinking has come true and proved itself to me my whole life, I have been moved and also saddened by the human condition that takes so long to catch on. He said, I remember it clearly, that it would take 50 years before people would start waking up to what he was saying – much of it about conservation, saving our resources, designing so that we can do more with less, eliminating poverty. But he also knew the way we were going we didn’t have 50 years to wait. I know personally that he died worrying about that.

I had a dream a couple of years ago about climbing inside a car, and inside it was a huge environment. The dream was a big dream for to me, there was a lot more to it. Tonight I saw the video link that my friend sent and a couple of others about the Dymaxion car that Bucky designed, and I realized – “That is the car I rode inside in my dream!” The Dymaxion car Bucky designed would accomodate several times the number of passengers of a normal car, could move around in space efficiently, and took less than half the amount of fuel that a normal car at the time.

Catching on is hard to do, but I hope we can do it. Try this link. And by the way, when the video shows who is in the back seat – that is Amelia Earhart, a close friend and great fan of Bucky’s.

Stars

October 8, 2010

Just walked down the road to my mailbox at 2:00 a.m. Stars! A clear, crisp night of stars like you will never see anywhere near an urban environment. Stars are the most stabilizing forces we have in this wild world of change. I remember as a child looking out the window at them, almost like a baby sucking on her mother’s breast – unquestioned trust and satisfaction. That is the nature of the stability and comfort I have always felt seeing stars. It has been so all of my life. Countless times as a young woman confused by the responsibilities of career, motherhood and marriage I would sit on a rock outside my house and look at the stars. I could see into the truth of my soul in an instant, and all seemed good. Just a few minutes was all it ever has taken. A walk to the mailbox. It is better than a chiropractic adjustment or shamanic healing. Stars.

Living Fire

October 7, 2010

Cold weather is back to the mountain, and I have been living with the fire as my heat source every day. Last winter was one of the harshest ever in these mountains, and certainly the harshest of my life. For weeks it was just me, my dog and the fire – that is it. For stretches of that time no light, no water, no phone, no internet – just the three of us. Now the fire is back like an old friend who deeply cares for me and provides well-being and liveliness in my home, a being who also requires that I feed, talk with and care about it. But we are missing our partner. Coco is not here to be with us, and the return of fire heightens my sensitivity to that. But Coco’s absence also heightens my sensitivity to the fire as a living thing, with presence and consciousness. I know it’s true.

Dreams and Tarot

October 5, 2010

Many years ago, once upon a time, I had a dream of a person I had never heard of named Angeles Arrien. I wrote her name in my dream journal and thought it must be a metaphor or story about angels. I kept playing with the words in my head. Then within a week I was in a bookstore and saw, to my amazement, a book called Tarot Handbook, by Angeles Arrien! I felt chills all through my body. I bought the book of course. She is a cultural anthropolgist, a brilliant teacher and author, and quite studied in Jungian thought. I had heard of tarot before, but that is the extent of it. I knew nothing about it, nor did I ever have any interest in it nor bias against it, or any other thought of it before this event. I started using Angeles’ book along with a tarot deck on a daily basis. At first I was fascinated, then helped, then healed, then it became my most powerful ally and blessed guide during shifting times of divorce and breakdown. I used it for nearly 10 years alone before I ever started reading for anyone else.

The first day of the first retreat I ever had at my new retreat center in February 2005 I was heading in toward the group to do morning dreamwork when a very insistent thought occurred. I didn’t even begin to question, even though it was brand new. I would bring the tarot deck out and have each person draw a card, and would use the messages from these along with the dreamwork.

With the success of that first experiment I never looked back. I have been using the two in combination regularly ever since. I had never heard of work done like this before, but it has been so powerful and inspirational, undeniably insightful and healing, precise, practical, intuitive, dead-on, prescient, and resonant with others that – even though an academic and conservative voice in myself and the world says not to speak of it too openly – I can’t not speak of the strength of the work. When I hesitated to use the word “tarot” in my new brochure, my daughter Arlene, who bravely came out as gay when she was only 17 years old in front of a whole high school not familiar with such announcements, said to me, “Mom. You’ve got to come out.” My hero had spoken.

Imagine my delight when I read these words last night in a book I am reading called Dreamways of the Iroquois, by Robert Moss: “Today, it is popular on the Iroquois reservation for people to supplement their dreams with readings of tarot cards, tea leaves, or shreds of native tobacco bobbing in a simmering saucepan.” (p.42) Wow, thank you! I feel affirmed and not so alone in the world! I also am interested in this statement, “The early Iroquois regarded someone who was not in touch with their dreams as the victim of serious soul-loss.” (p.38)

Native people on every continent have regarded dreams as messages from the divine, and honored them sacredly. Now reading that today certain of these native people are using some more modern and Western oracular methods along with the old ones, thrills and shivers my bones. Especially when we feel out there on the margins of everything, an affirmation from the wisdom of the past is grounding. Thank you.

Trees

October 4, 2010

A painting entitled Trees by Wislawa Kwiatkowska, paintings of the Goddess’s of Poland. Check her out. She sees.
http://campus.udayton.edu/mary/polishexhibit.html

Myth and Meaning

October 3, 2010

Through experience I find what I believe is the core problem of depression – a loss of meaning. In depression, meaning seems drained out of existence; there it all is – color, sound, smell, beauty, love, life all around and in front of you – so what? It is just there. Purpose and meaning are extracted. It all looks and feels like nothing. I think the barometer of joy and happiness in life is measured on the scale of the amount of meaning one finds in it. Physicist David Bohm suggested that meaning is the third principle that constitutes reality. Einstein saw the dual principle of matter and energy. Bohm suggested a third aspect to our very physics — matter, energy and meaning. Meaning is as much a part of our physical reality as the other two, and is unfolded from the other two. Depression is a result of a loss of this dimension. I’m speaking from experience. No one ever told me this.

I don’t know what causes bouts with depression. There are so many theories and ideas and doctors and analysts, so many who conscientiously diagnose and prescribe and listen, many times to the great benefit of others. I am 59 with a doctorate in depth psychology and have been helped and have been able to help in this area. But there is much more to the mystery than I believe we have yet encountered or articulated in general. As Robert Romanyshyn says, depression is not the cause, it is the cure. And Marie Louise von Franz says to go into depression, let it take you to where it is going, underneath all of the superficialities of life to where you can discover what it wants, what it has to say, its purpose, its meaning.

The trick is to be able to come back with what you find, to bridge the worlds. I saw a movie last night just as I was coming out of a strong bout with depression. The movie spoke to me in a gorgeous and timely way. It is called Ondine, a movie directed by Neil Jordan with Colin Ferrell starring (p.s. Colin Ferrell is one of my favorite actors ever.) The story is of an Irish fisherman who catches a woman in his fishing net. The movie deals with harsh realities, but shows the magic and mystery that a dimension of meaning contributes for all involved. It is that dimension which storytellers and movie makers and musicians and poets and artists consistently address that are utterly life-giving, that revolutionize and move life forward out of meaningless, repetitive, deadly spirals.

I was reminded of the following words in Jung’s Memories, Dreams, Reflections as I started to write on this. “Meaninglessness inhibits fullness of life and is therefore equivalent to illness. Meaning makes a great many things endurable – perhaps everything. No science will ever replace myth, and a myth cannot be made out of any science.” Myth is another dimension altogether.

Star Wars, Harry Potter, fairy tales, Iron Man, the Greeks – without such as these we would be a lost species. If you have a friend who is depressed or find yourself in this state, sit with it until the meaning and the myth emerge. Some would say those are the stories that take one away from reality and lead to insanity. I say to be without them is insanity. I know whereof I speak.

The Cave of Being

October 2, 2010

Humans begin their lives in a watery cave, the womb. That is where the individual’s consciousness is initially formed. In some ways that consciousness is lost as the daylight world begins its play, makes its demands, and tricks the mind into literal interpretations of the stories that a person lives.

Many cultures believe that carefully designed initiations are necessary for a soul to remember what it knew before entering this earthly play of light and shadow, form and spirit. From prehistoric records in cave drawings to the Greek, Dionysian, Eleusynian mysteries and the rites of Orpheus, to practices of shamanic and indigenous initiations all over the globe, the importance of these rituals are a ubiquitous part of human history.

In my own life I have been drawn to study many of these cultures and their rituals. And I have observed that the psyche so needs these rites that even if they are not provided, as modern cultures generally fail to do, Nature herself, working on behalf of the psyche, will create them for the soul that wishes for initiation.

Caves are an important location for many of the rites of passage. They provide a withdrawal into seclusion, into the subterranean worlds, into the world inside the world, and into the darkness beyond solar limits. As Rilke says, “You darkness of whom I am born, I love you more than the flame that limits the world to the circle it illumines and excludes all the rest.”

I submit that Nature can and will create cave initiations without the need for a physical cave. It can submerge the spirit into a cave-like dwelling where light does not penetrate. There is a cave inside our being, the deep memory of the time inside the womb and what came before that, and the awareness of spaces where light does not reach that inform the soul of the truth of its being. I get drawn into these caves and find it hard to emerge. The events occur as part of an illness, a struggle with depression and PTSD, but they are part of  the fulfillment of my soul’s wishes too. There is a huge tension to hold in this.  The facility to pass between these worlds gracefully is my quest now and I believe it is coming. I am grateful for what I am learning.

Emptiness

October 1, 2010

Buddhists explain that the real nature of the universe is emptiness. I have felt this at times in meditation and dreams, that space between notes or between frames in the pictures. I am experiencing that death and illness bring us closer to comprehending what they speak of.

I had a recent dream in which my heart was opened like a drawer and I saw in there two black holes, leading to – nowhere, eternal emptiness. I have pondered this dream quite a bit and am now sensing that those are my psyche’s pictures of the deaths of my beloved best friend Coco and of my dear friend and dream analyst John Goldhammer. The holes are in my heart now. I have been recently very busy doing life, but came down ill. Lying in my sick bed the emptiness overwhelms like a solace and a terror. Nothing matters. Not food, not sunlight, not water, not any of the trillions of details that lead to the fullness of life. Nothing. Emptiness. It scares me. I see why we avoid the experieces of death and illness. But there is an unfathomable beauty and truth in it that can’t be avoided, but deserves to be embraced.

Dear Neighboring Planet

September 30, 2010

NBC News tonight reported striking news. Astronomers have found a planet just outside our solar system that they call a “Goldilocks Planet – not too cold, not too hot, possibly just right to sustain water and perhaps life.” They are excited to find there that there may be not just life, but “intelligent life” there – like us! Brian Williams, who I normally love and admire, actually spoke these words that hurt me to the bone, ” It’s just nice to know that if we screw this place up badly enough, there is a place we can all go.”

Ow. It’s very painful.

Should we write first? Something like:

Dear Goldilocks planet,
We are so excited to find that there is intelligent life in the universe like us! Hello! We are citizens of Planet Earth. We look forward to meeting you. Soon. Like, can we move in? You’ll love us, we are smart and charming. Wait until you see all of the great things we will bring when we come. Art, science, religion, movies, architecture, medicine, comic books, stories. The problem is, though, we couldn’t get along or care about each other. When some of us needed to make money, we had to pour toxins into the water and the air to get rid of our trash. We found out that plants, animals and people died and suffered terribly from this. It was such a shame, but we couldn’t think how to fix it. When our neighbors didn’t agree with how we wanted Earth to be managed, the only thing we could think to do was get our children to kill their children. It has been hard on all of us. Money and “success” became important to us. In order to create it we had to abuse poor people, ecosystems, and livestock. We are figuring out that none of what we cared about matters anyway, but now our top soil is gone, the rivers, oceans and air are ruined, and we are all blaming everyone else for the problems.

Can we come live on your planet? We are so excited to meet you.
Love,
Earthians.