Buddhists explain that the real nature of the universe is emptiness. I have felt this at times in meditation and dreams, that space between notes or between frames in the pictures. I am experiencing that death and illness bring us closer to comprehending what they speak of.

I had a recent dream in which my heart was opened like a drawer and I saw in there two black holes, leading to – nowhere, eternal emptiness. I have pondered this dream quite a bit and am now sensing that those are my psyche’s pictures of the deaths of my beloved best friend Coco and of my dear friend and dream analyst John Goldhammer. The holes are in my heart now. I have been recently very busy doing life, but came down ill. Lying in my sick bed the emptiness overwhelms like a solace and a terror. Nothing matters. Not food, not sunlight, not water, not any of the trillions of details that lead to the fullness of life. Nothing. Emptiness. It scares me. I see why we avoid the experieces of death and illness. But there is an unfathomable beauty and truth in it that can’t be avoided, but deserves to be embraced.

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