Paying it Forward

I have so many heartbreakingly sweet kindnesses paid to me in the last three days – from strangers who happened to read my blog and send heartfelt compassion and empathy, to dear friends from every time in my life telling me of their loving concern, to family members who offered to pay for my carpets to be cleaned as a memorial gift for Coco’s, whose last weeks included incontinence, and a neighbor who dug Coco’s grave in the appointed spot while we were gone and had it ready when we got home to complete the ritual. And there has been a friend who spent three full days with me. The day I realized Coco must be put down she came and spent the day with me and with him; she came the next day and drove me to the place, stayed with me and rubbed my back while I sobbed, came home with me to sit on the porch and mourn in the good old Irish funeral kind of way, drinking, stories and eating food, which she had lovingly prepared; and then today she came to help clean the house, which included a lot of packing up and clearing out Coco’s effects. He had been my only roommate for all of these years, so there were plenty of them.

How do you re-pay such kindnesses, even though I know no one but me has such a thought in their minds? A note to tell them how much it means is good. But the best hope, I believe, is to call in the opportunities to pay it forward – to pray to be able to be there, be aware, be available to other friends when they need me. This is what it is all about. No one I know in a scenario like this wants a pay back, they would only want a pay forward. These kindnesses have all been so life affirming and saving, I pray to the gods and goddesses to be able to do the same going forward.

P.S. I watched the movie Remember Me tonight. It was very poignant about love and loss, and deeply affecting. I recommend it, and was grateful to see it in this timing.

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2 Responses to “Paying it Forward”

  1. Joy Parker Says:

    Dearest Tayria: I really appreciated reading this email. I think you have put your finger on the pulse of a very important idea, one that keeps the world going round. I can remember seven years ago when I was going through chemotherapy, my Isabelle was so kind to me. She took me out to lunch, lent me money, talked to me for hours on the phone, brought me little gifts, shared words of wisdom with me, let me cry on her shoulder, took me to doctor’s appointments, and always gave me hope and believed in my recovery.

    One day I started to weep and I said, “Isabelle, how am I EVER going to pay you back for all this loving kindness?” Here answer: “That’s not how it works. If I give you a hundred pounds of love, you don’t owe me a hundred pounds of love. When you are well and someone needs your help, just pass on the love. That’s what life keep going.”

    I have never forgotten that. And you are so absolutely one hundred percent right. You make this world a better place just by being you, and you will certainly pay this love and kindness you have received forward. And Goddess bless you for that awareness.

  2. Karen Nilsen Says:

    Your post reminded me of a beautiful quote I read in a catalog (of all places) recently:
    “Love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay. Love isn’t love until you give it away.”

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