Doctortayria's Blog

I have remembered today some extraordinary incidents that moved straight to the core of me and made their mark. When such things happen they are usually profoundly recognized in the moment, but can be forgotten, like a dream. Like dreams do, they come back.

What penetrates to the core does so because of its powerful importance for us in our individual journey. Every time it comes around again, a new emphasis and clarity is given. A new visit can stop the heart, make you weep and remind you that there is a love and intelligence in the universe that never gives up on us, even when we give up on ourselves. Like a child who lives nearby, it always wants you to come out and play again.

I’m in. I’m here. I want to play some more. Many thanks to the universe for knocking again and calling me back to the playground.

Welcome Morning

There is joy
in all:
in the hair I brush each morning,
in the Cannon towel, newly washed,
that I rub my body with each morning,
in the chapel of eggs I cook
each morning,
in the outcry from the kettle
that heats my coffee
each morning,
in the spoon and the chair
that cry “hello there, Anne”
each morning,
in the godhead of the table
that I set my silver, plate, cup upon
each morning.

All this is God,
right here in my pea-green house
each morning
and I mean,
though often forget,
to give thanks,
to faint down by the kitchen table
in a prayer of rejoicing
as the holy birds at the kitchen window
peck into their marriage of seeds.

So while I think of it,
let me paint a thank-you on my palm
for this God, this laughter of the morning,
lest it go unspoken.

The Joy that isn’t shared, I’ve heard,
dies young.

~ Anne Sexton ~

North Korea, South Korea, China, America – the news the last couple of days feels foreboding. The holidays create a certain frenzy. So my thoughts go to the stars and the axis of the earth, and I feel the need to visualize a stabilizing of these forces into the holding powers of universe. When it all feels tenuous like this, such visions help.

Today is the anniversary date of my having become a mother, the birthday of my oldest daughter, Josi Ann Ward. I had a very difficult, lengthy ordeal in that birth process, but as soon as that tiny angel with her rosebud colored lips was in my arms I remember saying that I would do it all a thousand times again right now if this is what I get out of it. No amount of earthly pain can hold a candle to or be remembered in the presence of such a visitation from heaven.

And the feeling I had about Josi in that first moment has grown sweeter and broader and deeper and higher and stronger every moment of the last 29 years. I knew in that instant what had just entered my life, a being of grace and beauty that only the finest poets or composers could begin to describe. Watching her unfold all of that gorgeousness into this world has been a rare privilege. There is nothing I can do to appropriately express how grateful I am. So I live with a heart that keeps bursting with love and joy about it, and smile a lot.

Ah, Josi, what good God ever thought of you? That God I can adore.

Long years ago, I encountered a prayer attributed to Rumi, “Shatter my heart to make room for an infinite love.” I remember being struck and deeply moved by it, seeing the image as poetic and such an expression of surrender. I was doing a lot of public speaking at the time, and spoke of it in a variety of ways. A friend had a calligraphy artist make a gorgeous piece inscribing the words and framed it for me.

Soon after, the universe took me up on my request; shattering after shattering of my heart ensued. The fact that I had loved the prayer and that my friend had commissioned the beautiful art piece as a gift helped me to maintain a certain focus and committment through the shatterings.

Making room for infinite love is not light work. And surely it is a life’s work. But the traumas that pierce the heart are seen in a different light as the purity of love that vibrates in all things unconfined by time/space continuums is felt. Then the shatterings make sense.

This love is always there, is in every atom and cell of creation, but apparently is sensed more fully as the heart undergoes initiations. If these are happening to you, to a friend or a loved one, trust the process. Let’s all encourage and remind each other to trust it. The more we make room in the heart, the more such love can infiltrate confined and constricted heart spaces. As Rilke says, “Now, let us go and do heart work.”

At the end of each day, there are cues and clues to the things we have done well, and the things we have yet to make more conscious,  become aware of and master. It is good to focus upon what we have done well, and encourage that. And it is also good to review the clues to what there is yet to discover and achieve. An over balance of either is unhealthy, I believe. I love the yin/yang symbol. Look at each aspect diligently. No fear. No pride. No shame. Only balance.

I often think of the words of Meister Eckhart, “If the only prayer you ever speak in your life is thank you, that would suffice.” As we move toward this Thanksgiving week, I think of this. No matter what, life is working on our behalf. To hold this prayer of thanks is a perspective and position of faith in life. I love what Meister Eckhart imparts in these words. I am thanks-giving to his spirit for them.